What did you really want to tell her?
posted by Sarah @ 1:23 PM
9 Comments
Friday, February 27, 2009
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9 Comments:
I deal with name calling quite a lot. I agree that the student doesn't really "hate" or think the other student is a jerk, they just aren't using thier words to communicate properly. It goes back to taking responsibilty and proper communication skills.
This is another phrase that I plan on trying when the need arises. It will be interesting to see where it leads. I have a student right now who doesn't really do anything 'irritating', he's just 'different' and tends to really get on the nerves of the other students. I'm afraid that when giving these annoyed students an opportunity to say what they feel, they may attack this little guy's character. I feel that I will have to be very careful when I use this to temper the situation and make sure everyone comes out of it with feelings intact.
I have been using a phrase like "Tell ...(the name calling child) that the only thing she is allowed to call you is your name." That does not help communication at all. I will definitely try this to help children say what they feel in an appropriate manner.
I had the perfect opportunity to try this out last week. One gentleman in my 6th grade class, who often likes to mutter comments about others, made a comment after a girl responded to a question. I responded with, "What did you really want to tell her?" The gentleman looked at me with a look of panic on his face. I have not heard another under the breath comment from him.Perhaps now he will be more conscious of his intentions.
I like this phrase for all of the reasons previously mentioned. It brings the communication into specific relief no matter what the name caller's motivation was.
It also opens the opportunity for resolution in the case of a child who is being goaded as mentioned in the text. Then you don't have to let the child get away with name calling, but you do call out the person who was the agitator.
I'm going to use these! I've had Bev do interventions (with a couple of my kids) using these phrases and she gets great results! It helps the kids to be specific and communicate what they really want from each other. It can be very empowering for the students. Thanks again, Bev!
I really like the "specific"ness of this form of communication. I find that at times this helps gets to the motivation, when asked to identify the comment students come to a realization that they aren't completely sure what they wanted - they were responding out of anger, frustration, or because it was a way to get peer attention. It generates dialogue between students - it is amazing what dialogue can accomplish.
I LOVE this, especially with ELL students. They often really don't have the words to say what they really feel and resort to name calling. When this happens with an ELL student, it's important to find out what they are feeling and literally give them the vocabulary to express themselves. Give them choices of what they can say instead. I have done this many times before and it's amazing to see a sense of relief the student feels when they can express what they really feel, rather than being mean. They feel so much better about themselves.
This is a great way to rephrase and get kids to constructively deal with the issue. It allows kids to save face and to work things out.
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