Since students "aim to please," I found this chapter to be insightful. Simply switching the "OF" to "FOR" really does change the entire meaning and implication of this phrase. I believe that all students need praise, but shifting the focus back to the students puts the attention on them. In my experience, I've found that if my students hear me say "I'm proud of you" to an individual student, the rest of the kids want to show/do something for me just so I'll say it to them. I like how saying 'I'm proud for you" emphasizes self-reflection and self-esteem. Hopefully teachers will say this phrase based on facts-- are the students following class expectations? following the 4 Bs? I'm looking forward to trying this phrase and seeing the reactions I'll get from the student with whom I'm speaking and the other kids overhearing our dialogue!
Part of teaching children to be responsible for their own behavior is letting them take credit and feel the positive energy that comes from it too. When we say that we are proud of them, we kind of take that away. I use phrases like "Aren't you proud of yourself?" and "Doesn't that make you feel good?"
I use the same phrases Janet. We want to encourage intrinsic gratification/motivation and giving them permission to feel proud may encourage it. You are so right Valerie, students want their turn to get your attention but for your approval not because they are internalizing pride in their own work. Besides it has occurred to me that perhaps the student does not care if I am proud of them or not!! And right they are.
I like what Janet says much better. I'm proud for you doesn't sound like great English to me. Allowing the children to take responsibility and think about how they feel about their own accomplishments is very empowering to students.
Yes, the little ones sure do aim to please and often times I remind myself how important it is to stop and enjoy their "growth" and positive contributions. I find myself saying things like "oh my, you must feel so proud right now!" I also feel strongly that we are a "village" and should not only recognize the wonderful things that our own students do but keep an eye out for great things happening on campus. I witnessed a child taking responsibility for his actions yesterday and made a big deal about it and told his teacher etc. Today when he saw me, he lit up and reminded me about our interaction yesterday. I smiled and reminded myself that this is WHY I TEACH!
I have always asked the question, "aren't you proud of yourself? You should should be so proud of yourself!" This seems to let the students take ownership of their actions.
I also agree with the idea that there are many better phrases out there then "I am proud for you." That one feels like an affectation. I also think that the kids DO see us as judges of their success in the school environment at times, so hearing that we view them highly is not always a bad thing.
As Mr. Rogers always sang: I'm proud of you, I hope that you are proud of you too"
Saying "You must be very proud of yourself" or "Doesn't that feel good?" is more empowering than saying "I am proud of you" - it shifts the attention on the student. This builds self-esteem; they get a sense that they do things for themselves, not for the attention of others.
I have been rephrasing this way ever since I read this chapter and I love the way students reflect on their success. It is such a better way to help them understand that it's about intrinsic pride than what I think.
I liked Janet's suggestion of saying "Aren't you proud of yourself?" This way they are achieving for themselves and not for our approval. Jo is right, the majority of the 6th graders do not really care if you are proud of them. Gwenn, you are so awesome about recognizing great things that occur on the North Ranch campus. Thank you for bringing them to our attention.
12 Comments:
Since students "aim to please," I found this chapter to be insightful. Simply switching the "OF" to "FOR" really does change the entire meaning and implication of this phrase. I believe that all students need praise, but shifting the focus back to the students puts the attention on them. In my experience, I've found that if my students hear me say "I'm proud of you" to an individual student, the rest of the kids want to show/do something for me just so I'll say it to them. I like how saying 'I'm proud for you" emphasizes self-reflection and self-esteem. Hopefully teachers will say this phrase based on facts-- are the students following class expectations? following the 4 Bs? I'm looking forward to trying this phrase and seeing the reactions I'll get from the student with whom I'm speaking and the other kids overhearing our dialogue!
Part of teaching children to be responsible for their own behavior is letting them take credit and feel the positive energy that comes from it too. When we say that we are proud of them, we kind of take that away. I use phrases like "Aren't you proud of yourself?" and "Doesn't that make you feel good?"
I use the same phrases Janet. We want to encourage intrinsic gratification/motivation and giving them permission to feel proud may encourage it. You are so right Valerie, students want their turn to get your attention but for your approval not because they are internalizing pride in their own work.
Besides it has occurred to me that perhaps the student does not care if I am proud of them or not!! And right they are.
I like what Janet says much better. I'm proud for you doesn't sound like great English to me. Allowing the children to take responsibility and think about how they feel about their own accomplishments is very empowering to students.
Yes, the little ones sure do aim to please and often times I remind myself how important it is to stop and enjoy their "growth" and positive contributions. I find myself saying things like "oh my, you must feel so proud right now!" I also feel strongly that we are a "village" and should not only recognize the wonderful things that our own students do but keep an eye out for great things happening on campus. I witnessed a child taking responsibility for his actions yesterday and made a big deal about it and told his teacher etc. Today when he saw me, he lit up and reminded me about our interaction yesterday. I smiled and reminded myself that this is WHY I TEACH!
I have always asked the question, "aren't you proud of yourself? You should should be so proud of yourself!" This seems to let the students take ownership of their actions.
I agree with Janet. Those phrases really do let the student celebrate themselves!
I also agree with the idea that there are many better phrases out there then "I am proud for you." That one feels like an affectation. I also think that the kids DO see us as judges of their success in the school environment at times, so hearing that we view them highly is not always a bad thing.
As Mr. Rogers always sang: I'm proud of you, I hope that you are proud of you too"
Saying "You must be very proud of yourself" or "Doesn't that feel good?" is more empowering than saying "I am proud of you" - it shifts the attention on the student. This builds self-esteem; they get a sense that they do things for themselves, not for the attention of others.
I have been rephrasing this way ever since I read this chapter and I love the way students reflect on their success. It is such a better way to help them understand that it's about intrinsic pride than what I think.
I liked Janet's suggestion of saying "Aren't you proud of yourself?" This way they are achieving for themselves and not for our approval. Jo is right, the majority of the 6th graders do not really care if you are proud of them. Gwenn, you are so awesome about recognizing great things that occur on the North Ranch campus. Thank you for bringing them to our attention.
I do like the words - I'm proud FOR you - and plan on trying to catch myself when I say I'm proud OF you! I think that I say those words quite often!
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