The author says in one section how wrong it is to say always/never, then says in this section that competition has no place in collaborative classrooms. If you look at the playground, you see a little healthy competition exists, even if it is not created in the classroom. I'm not sure that I have ever used the phrase "tell me your side". When two children are upset, I give them each a turn to talk, uninterrupted by the other child. I let them know that they will each get a turn to talk and that I will listen to both of them. I believe by doing that, I am also offering mutual respect, as with the questions suggested by the authors.
We talk a lot about perspective and perception in my classes. It is difficult for children to set aside their judgment systems and truly "see" where the other person is coming from. Competition is part of life, learning to handle it in a healthy manner is a life skill that I want my students to have. I believe that students must learn to compete against themselves and be placed in situations were they compete against others while maintaining a healthy self concept as they learn to view the situations through the other individual's perspective.
Sometimes we do not choose words and or phrases that can survive scrutiny without comment or criticism. Often we revert to words or phrases that we heard from adults when we were growing up that in hindsight we wish we had not said. In my experience I have found that without a doubt children know your heart and your intention. A teacher who says the "right" words without sincerity in intent to truly be of help will be revealed in the minds of most if not all children; they simply won't buy it. Conversely, you may say, "tell me your side of it" or another less than perfect phrase with the true intent of neutral problem solving and children will know it. They know our hearts and our intentions clearly and respond accordingly. So we should by all means choose our words wisely, but most importantly we must search our hearts for our true intent toward children...they know what they are… whether we acknowledge it or not.
I agree with Karen. I think that our job is to educate these kids not only in the classroom, but to prepare them for what to expect in the outside world. They will hear "Tell me your side of it" and it is very real verbiage and they are going to hear that. They need to understand perspective and perception, but I know some adults that are not capable of doing this. I guess we do the best we can and hope that something sinks in.
I use this in my room. Because tattling is so common with the young ones, I find it in necessary to have the children involved each tell their side. I also have them listen to the other sides. It funny, sometimes the story changes due to the other perspectives.
I have had a PARENT recently say to me, "Tell me your side" and it really angered me! It certainly put distance between that parent and myself. I don't think most students take it that defensively though and usually see it as you taking the time to listen/respect both of them.
This is one good thing I have seen with the make your day thing when the kids have concerns with one another. They are taught to express their feelings with "I" statements and it really helps to work things out. By expressing their feelings in this way, the other child then sees how his or her actions affect the other. It's kind of like telling "sides of the story" without it being one side verses the other.
As I read this selection, I could not help but think how similar our young students are to ourselves. It doesn't matter if we react appropriately, or not, we all react to our perspective on things that happen to us. When I talk out something with my students, I will usually ask them to tell me what they think just happened. I will do this, even if I observed what happened. Many times their perspectives are pretty good, but often they are upset because of a perceived injustice or something they did not like. This is the time for dialog, so right or wrong, they gain an understanding of how they might better be able to communicate and have a better relationship with those they come in contact with.
11 Comments:
The author says in one section how wrong it is to say always/never, then says in this section that competition has no place in collaborative classrooms. If you look at the playground, you see a little healthy competition exists, even if it is not created in the classroom. I'm not sure that I have ever used the phrase "tell me your side". When two children are upset, I give them each a turn to talk, uninterrupted by the other child. I let them know that they will each get a turn to talk and that I will listen to both of them. I believe by doing that, I am also offering mutual respect, as with the questions suggested by the authors.
We talk a lot about perspective and perception in my classes. It is difficult for children to set aside their judgment systems and truly "see" where the other person is coming from. Competition is part of life, learning to handle it in a healthy manner is a life skill that I want my students to have. I believe that students must learn to compete against themselves and be placed in situations were they compete against others while maintaining a healthy self concept as they learn to view the situations through the other individual's perspective.
This seems like just samantics, but the word "side" does give a different feel than "how did you see it?" I will be more aware of my wording.
Sometimes we do not choose words and or phrases that can survive scrutiny without comment or criticism. Often we revert to words or phrases that we heard from adults when we were growing up that in hindsight we wish we had not said. In my experience I have found that without a doubt children know your heart and your intention. A teacher who says the "right" words without sincerity in intent to truly be of help will be revealed in the minds of most if not all children; they simply won't buy it. Conversely, you may say, "tell me your side of it" or another less than perfect phrase with the true intent of neutral problem solving and children will know it. They know our hearts and our intentions clearly and respond accordingly. So we should by all means choose our words wisely, but most importantly we must search our hearts for our true intent toward children...they know what they are… whether we acknowledge it or not.
Well said, Jo, Karen, and Alison. I agree wholeheartedly.
I agree with Karen. I think that our job is to educate these kids not only in the classroom, but to prepare them for what to expect in the outside world. They will hear "Tell me your side of it" and it is very real verbiage and they are going to hear that. They need to understand perspective and perception, but I know some adults that are not capable of doing this. I guess we do the best we can and hope that something sinks in.
I use this in my room. Because tattling is so common with the young ones, I find it in necessary to have the children involved each tell their side. I also have them listen to the other sides. It funny, sometimes the story changes due to the other perspectives.
I would just put my ditto with Jo and other posters to this section. You have said it well.
I have had a PARENT recently say to me, "Tell me your side" and it really angered me! It certainly put distance between that parent and myself. I don't think most students take it that defensively though and usually see it as you taking the time to listen/respect both of them.
This is one good thing I have seen with the make your day thing when the kids have concerns with one another. They are taught to express their feelings with "I" statements and it really helps to work things out. By expressing their feelings in this way, the other child then sees how his or her actions affect the other. It's kind of like telling "sides of the story" without it being one side verses the other.
As I read this selection, I could not help but think how similar our young students are to ourselves. It doesn't matter if we react appropriately, or not, we all react to our perspective on things that happen to us. When I talk out something with my students, I will usually ask them to tell me what they think just happened. I will do this, even if I observed what happened. Many times their perspectives are pretty good, but often they are upset because of a perceived injustice or something they did not like. This is the time for dialog, so right or wrong, they gain an understanding of how they might better be able to communicate and have a better relationship with those they come in contact with.
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