Say you're sorry.
posted by Sarah @ 4:16 PM
16 Comments
Saturday, March 21, 2009
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16 Comments:
I agree that just saying "sorry" isn't always the best thing. For kids and adults, sometimes being able to explain WHY we blew up or overreacted feels so much better than just saying we are sorry.
Saying you're sorry is a quick fix to a situation that needs resolve. In the hurriedness of our day, it is an easy way out! I agree that it is more important to help children create pans for more appropriate action and hopefully that will help in the future!
I agree with Sue. People in general are quick to say they're sorry without really thinking about why they did it and how they can react more appropriately in the future. It is easy to say and a quick fix to get people off the hook for their actions.
I agree with all of the above! "Say you're sorry" is definitely a quick fix, as many of us feel rushed to get through our day. This section makes me think of "2nd Steps" and Classroom of Difference lessons, wherein a meaningful dialogue is encouraged and peers are guided to share their genuine feelings. I too, need to stop for a moment and remember to consistently facilitate a brief conversation with my students if a situation arises. A good reminder!!
I am in agreement with all of the above.I know adults who feel that they have free reign to be hurtful because all they have to do is apologize to make it OK. Apologies and forced apologies are meaningless without true intention.
I agree with this completely. Forced apologies are meaningless. As educators we need to use these situations as learning opportunities and take the time to resolve the problem rather then wipe it under the rug with an apology. If only we had more time !!! :)
Another one I wish parents could read. Many of my kids automatically apologize because that is what they have been taught at home. I try to help them figure out a way they can "make it right" (like help a child they hurt) and what they could do differently next time.
The article suggests giving the student (who did break a rule) a response to make them feel more powerful and generate more self-esteem? Certainly just having a student say they are sorry is not really addressing the problem. But the larger discussion on why the action occurred, how the student can change their behavior etc is missing here.
Just saying your sorry is a pet peeve of mine. I am constantly discussing with my students that they do not have free reign to do and say whatever they want to others and then just throw in a meaningless, "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry" does not solve the problem. It just gets them off the hook. I agree with Janet, this is certainly a learned behavior that students and adults take part in.
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I agree in the old saying "actions speak louder then words". It's easy for someone to say they're sorry, but can they show me?
For many years now, after having a conversation with students about the choices they've made, I've given them the opportunity to say they are sorry if that is what they truly want to say. I ask, "Is there anything you want to say to ___?" If they say "I'm sorry", then I ask them to say what it is that they are sorry for. Once when I was teaching pre-k, a little girl pushed another girl off a tricycle on the playground. After talking, I asked if there was anything she wanted to say to the other little girl. She answered quite honestly with "Go home right now!." :) Not quite what I was expecting. We are teaching honesty, and you should not say what you don't mean, but you should be allowed time to think about the situation, because you may feel differently and have some remorse for the choice you made. Some kids just think that it automatically fixes everything. "He hit me!" / "I said I was sorry!"
I am with Gwenn on this one. I don't think we should coerce students into apologies. If we continue to do that, kids will learn how to play the game without figuring out the rules of the game and therefore they may never learn how to address the bigger issues.
If there is anything that I don't like more is when children think that "I'm sorry" fixes everything. I often make the kids have a discussion as to how they were feeling. I never end it with say your sorry. Worse than that the response to "I'm sorry" is often "that's okay". I always say "If it is okay can they do it again?" The have the children say "I accept your apology".
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Just as Jodi said, I ask that the kids have a conversation with each other so they can realize that everyone has feelings and sometimes those feelings get hurt. A lot of times the child didn't even realize that they hurt someone else's feelings, and they usually do say "I'm sorry" out of habbit. But it is usually sincere.
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